9 Habits of People Who Build Extraordinary Relationships

Real success, the kind that exists on multiple levels, is impossible without building great relationships. Real success is impossible unless you treat other people with kindness, regard, and respect.

After all, you can be a rich jerk… but you will also be a lonely jerk.

1. Take the hit.

Sometimes, whatever the issue and regardless of who is actually at fault, some people step in and take the hit. Few acts are more selfless than taking the undeserved hit. And few acts better cement a relationship.

2. Step in without being asked.

It’s easy to help when you’re asked. Most people will. Very few people offer help before they have been asked, even though most of the time that is when a little help will make the greatest impact.

3. Answer the question that is not asked.

A colleague might ask you whether he should teach a class at a local college; what he really wants to talk about is how to take his life in a different direction.

Behind many simple questions is often a larger question that goes unasked. People who build great relationships think about what lies underneath so they can answer that question, too.

4. Know when to dial it back.

People who build great relationships know when to have fun and when to be serious, when to be over the top and when to be invisible, and when to take charge and when to follow.

Great relationships are multifaceted and therefore require multifaceted people willing to adapt to the situation–and to the people in that situation.

5. Prove they think of others.

People who build great relationships don’t just think about other people. They act on those thoughts.

Take a little time every day to do something nice for someone you know, not because you’re expected to but simply because you can. When you do, your relationships improve dramatically.

6. Realize when they have acted poorly.

Most people apologize when their actions or words are called into question. Very few people apologize before they are asked to–or even before anyone notices they should. Responsibility is a key building block of a great relationship.

7. Give consistently, receive occasionally.

The person who builds great relationships doesn’t think about what she wants; she starts by thinking about what she can give. She sees giving as the best way to establish a real relationship and a lasting connection.

8. Value the message by always valuing the messenger.

When someone speaks from a position of power or authority or fame it’s tempting to place greater emphasis on their input, advice, and ideas.

People who build great relationships never automatically discount the message simply because they discount the messenger. They know good advice is good advice, regardless of where it comes from. And they know good people are good people, regardless of their perceived “status.”

9. Start small… and are happy to stay small.

I sometimes wear a Reading Football Club sweatshirt. The checkout clerk at the grocery store noticed it one day. Now whenever I see him he waves, often from across the store. And that’s enough, because every relationship, however minor and possibly fleeting, has value.